...so i touched it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
