Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
