so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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