I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
