Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
