Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
