some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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