My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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