I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
