Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
