Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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