So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
