You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
