In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
