I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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