I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
