I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
