a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
