She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
