I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
