i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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