About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
