I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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