Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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