Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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