Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
