I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
