Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need a beard to bite.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
