I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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