I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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