Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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