Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
