I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
