Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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