Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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