i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
