Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
