my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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