I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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