No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
