I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
