So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
