don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
