He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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