The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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