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So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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