he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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