It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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