OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
