She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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