May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
