I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
