How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
