Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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