you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
