Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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