Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
