if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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