Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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