I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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