Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize