Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
