before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
