I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
