I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
