Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Randomize
