So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
