the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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