i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
