were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
